Wandering the city streets. The partially lit up store fronts of closed businesses mingling with the lights of those still open and the bustling bars and restaurants. Lights of apartments and hotel rooms replacing the natural stars obscured by the concrete jungle and light pollution thick like the smoke of the refinery. Walking through this beauty with the cold wind passing into my open coat and blowing on my face like a rude person blowing smoke in my face. The cold air feels freezing on my tears on my cheeks, "is this the bitter cold they talk about in black metal?" I think as the NSBM tape I'm listening to warps like some demented record, overshadowed by tape fuzz, and quickly grinding to halt due to the deceased batteries of the tape player. I put my headphones around my neck, and start playing Dave Monolith from my phone. The sounds of the music playing with the dripping wet surfaces from the prior rain, cars, and people, all mingling like a sonic fairy tea party. I just want to escape everything. Escape my life. Escape the pain. Escape consciousness. Every aspect of my life is despair. Tears run down my face like the dirty water dripping off the awnings as I think about my Mother's health. Failing, coming back, a ray of hope, dropping back down, failing, coming back, a ray of hope, dropping back down, failing, coming back, a ray of hope, dropping back down. Much like the black metal tape from before. I take in a deep breath of the cold air and exhale. I pray to God to save her, keep her going, keep her alive. Despite the selfishness of my prayers and my actions, I try to keep her alive. Despite her suffering, I try to keep her alive. I just can't lose her. She's my best friend, my caregiver, and my only reason for not killing myself. I take in another deep breath of the frigid winter air and head back home.
Released on TSUNDERE VIOLENCE